Sam's Blog

Link: http://www.jeffhanson.net/

I am saddened to hear the news about the great Jerry Orbach. I grew up watching him and admired him so much. I sat next to him and Sam Waterson at the Emmy awards a few years ago and he was such a nice man. I guess it caught me off guard because he was just recently diagnosed. I suppose it was more advanced than I thought. Well, R.I.P. Mr. Orbach. I am going to miss you and Law & Order will not be the same without you.

On a lighter note, I have been feeling much better lately. No dizziness anymore, but my stomach hurts every so often, no matter what I eat. I have no appetite, but force myself to eat something. We (Josh and the vegans) all went out for Ethiopian food last night. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t fabulous either. I think it’s because I don’t like the bread, it’s a bit too sour for me. I love naan at Indian restaurants and I was expecting it to taste similar, but it didn’t. The chicken was great though. After dinner, we played Scrabble and Shahab joined us later. I love Scrabble, but I hadn’t played in years, so I was a bit rusty. We were all distracted because we were watching old episodes of Sealab 2021 and In Living Color so the game was slow going. I had fun though. I need to brush up on “Q” words that do not require “U” because the 10 points you get for the “Q” is no good if you don’t have a “U.” And apparently “ta” is a word, as in, ta tas. I thought that was funny. I had to go to sleep relatively early last night because I am working today. It sucks that everyone else is closed on campus today, except for my department, what luck. But it’s only for emergent issues, so it hasn’t been that bad thus far.

I realized that I really like the sun and I’ve missed it these past few days. I know that I cannot survive in Seattle for sure. I am glad that it is back out and shining on us. I hear that it will rain more, but I just hope it doesn’t tomorrow night. I think I slept funny last night because my upper back hurts. I just took 2 hospital-strength Tylenols, so I hope that it works fast. I am also hoping to be able to get off early today to prepare for the party tomorrow night. I am actually getting really excited about it. I think that a majority of my friends are coming, which makes me so very jovial. I do miss those that are on the east coast and cannot come. So sad, but I hope they have fun doing their own thing as well. I really wanted to hear Tripp spin, but unfortunately, he is still in Virginia. That would’ve been so awesome. But seriously though, everyone under one roof…I wonder what craziness will ensue.

As another year approaches, it’s hard for me to not be reflective or nostalgic about the past. I look back and see how things have changed in just one year and I really don’t know how I feel about it yet. I’m not saying that things have changed drastically or anything like that, but there are little changes here and there that have been both positive and negative in my life, so it’s hard for me to have a definite answer at this time. I must not let these thoughts consume me too much, but I know that I have to tie a few loose ends eventually and I don’t know if I will be able to do that for a while. But I am in no rush and I do hope that tomorrow night will be a success.

Happy New Year everyone!!

[As I type this, I see that the death toll in Asia has gone up to 116,000. I am so devastated about the whole situation. I am scared because I know that Monica is in India right now, but I don’t know what city she is in. I hope she emails me back soon and that lack of Internet is the only problem she has right now. I am glad to hear that Shahab’s brother, Haady is safe in Thailand. But I am hoping for the best for Monica. Hopefully she’s shopping in a bazaar right now and having fun. I feel so bad for the Indonesian people. I studied their history and culture quite closely in college and they’ve been through so much these past few decades alone and they don’t deserve any of this devastation. No country does. I feel bad celebrating a new year knowing that so many people are suffering and I cannot do much to help them. Sigh.]

Link: http://www.garthbrooks.com/

Yeah, I know I’m quoting a country song. Get over it! I’m just going back to my Modesto roots, yo. So it’s raining here, actually, it’s pouring here in the city of angels. It was raining so hard last night and I couldn’t sleep. Then on the way home from work today, it was thundering and I saw bolts of lightning come down from the sky. It was really beautiful. I always say this when it rains, but really though, Southern Californians don’t know how to drive in the rain. Argh! It’s frustrating.

It was actually a crappy day at work. I got in late because of the rain and it was crazy-busy nonstop ‘til I left. And I felt better yesterday, but today I had slight dizzy spells and am nauseous at times. Not good. I hope that it’s just passing. I hope it’s nothing serious. Maybe I’m sick, but I doubt it, no real symptoms. So I’m just taking it easy again today. I just bought Sex and the City Season 6, part 2 (with deleted scenes and 3 alternate endings!) I am so excited. And Josh just got the Garden State DVD. Yay!! You must buy it. I’m going to watch SATC right now actually after I post this.

Yesterday was relaxing. Had great quality time with Josh and then went to Buca di beppo for Shahab’s turn at being a quarter of a century old. It was really fun because I was finally able to see Sandy, who’s getting her phD in England, so that was really nice after all of these years. We played a lovely game of poker afterwards and as usual, I didn't win and I didn’t get enough sleep. But it was totally worth it.

It feels like my body is totally weakening, but separate from my mind. My mind is racing a mile a minute and thinking about so many things right now. I can’t seem to focus on things that are important. And I cannot bring myself to clean my apartment. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now, but it doesn’t seem good for me physically. I just hope I’m not sick on New Year’s Eve. That would be the WORST! Oh and if no one has plans for New Year’s yet, Nate and I are throwing a fabulous party at his lovely mansion in the Hollywood Hills. Let me know if you want details. It shall be fun!

Link: http://www.subpop.com/bands/postalservice/

Last night felt like so long ago. We watched The Life Aquatic as planned with the Ventura gang. It wasn't as bad as critics said it was. I thoroughly enjoyed it actually. I laughed throughout the entire film. It was cute and quirky and very Wes Anderson. So I expected nothing less. And again, the music was excellent. Anyone who throws in David Bowie (in Portugese mainly), Iggy and The Stooges, and Sigur Ros gets a thumbs up from me, but he was already cool in my book anyways. And I love Cate Blanchett. A lot of people don't get his movies, but I guess I am fortunate enough to appreciate it and enjoy it. The Royal Tenenbaums still makes me cry. Everytime. Anyway, we went to Greg's house and had some lovely vegan smores. I prefer regular marshmallows, but it wasn't too bad actually. Josh and I went back to LA afterwards. It's nice to be back at "home."

We didn't get back until 3:30am. I'm not sure what time I went to sleep after we had gotten settled in, but I slept for a very long time. No alarms or anything. Slept, got up briefly and was still tired, so I slept some more. I woke up and stretched. Looked at the clock. 3:00pm. Damn. I haven't slept that long in months. I had a huge headache. I didn't feel well. I almost fainted in the shower, but luckily I didn't. Had some soup with Josh at Noodle Planet. Still felt like crap. So I took some meds and decided to take it easy for the day. Josh and I watched 2046, the new film by Wong Kar Wai. It was fascinating and different. I love his films, though I am sure Americans will hate the pacing of it. So much angst. Christopher Doyle, the cinematographer was excellent. They make a great team. I can't wait for it to be released in the US. We then watched 3-Iron, a Korean film by Ki-duk Kim, one of Josh's favorite directors. I really liked his last film, Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...and Spring. 3-Iron was also a fascinating movie. It's a very quiet movie. There is hardly any dialogue between the main characters and their interactions are great. I hope to see this in the theaters as well, but I think that it will be a while until it will be released, so I will have to wait.

So I feel a little better now. A bit tired, but not dizzy anymore. One of the advantages of living with Josh is that he takes good care of me when I'm sick. I am a very lucky girl. So I am going to sleep some more and hopefully feel better tomorrow.

It's been a very pleasant day. Great food (turkey), great nap (because of the turkey) and it's been nice spending time with Josh's family. We saw Elf last night. It had a few problems, but it was funny and a good film to watch during the holidays. I just love Will Ferrell in tights! But it's starting to get colder and the day feels right. Too bad it doesn't snow around here. I want to experience Christmas in the snow sometime in my life, just to see how it feels. But anyway, we just got back from Kurt's house, which is right around the corner from Josh's house in Ventura. I love his family too, they are always a delight and they gave us tamales. I thought that I wouldn't have any this year and I got sad because I always had tamales in one way or another during Christmastime. So I was happy to have stopped by. I think we're all gonna watch The Life Aquatic tonight. I'm excited, even though I hear that it's not that good. Ah well, I will still love Wes Anderson anyway.

Happy holidays to all!

Link: http://www.vandals.com/html/index.htm

I was never really into Christmas. My family never celebrated it. Why? Because my parents were Buddhist. I still can't believe that people freak out when I tell them that I don't celebrate Christmas. But it's such a "holy day." It's the only day where entire cities shut down except for the few liquor stores and movie theaters. Interesting that a religious holiday has that much power over entire enterprises and businesses. And yet people are forced to see relatives and friends that they don't normally see throughout the entire year for that one day and everyone is suppose to be happy. But a lot of people that I know actually dread it. Maybe it's the obligatory factor or maybe we are suppose to be happy and most people aren't, so they hate that they have to put on a facade or a show for their family. In any case, it's such an interesting holiday. I usually spend Christmas in Ventura with Josh's family. They are so sweet and lovely and always welcome me into their home and give me awesome gifts. So I am very thankful for them. I hope everyone has a great holiday!!

Link: http://www.vh1.com/artists/az/black_sheep_2_/artist.jhtml

So I heard that song last night for the first time in forever. Then they played Tribe and I was vibing. It made me realize how much I miss good hip-hop and good music in general. My musical tastes have kinda morphed into a more eclectic sound, I guess. But I can't stand that all of the good music that I am listening to is slow and sad all of the time. Especially if I go out dancing or drinking.

I envy my brother for being the perfect age when all of the good music was out...rap, hip-hop, electronic, alternative, etc. I was a bit too young to appreciate it, but I did listen to it at that time and now. I credit my brother for getting me into rap/hip-hop/r & b music. My sisters, for new wave, 80's, and "international" music...like Enrique and Shakira before they made their US debut and many various Chinese artists. Roni was the person that got me mainly into alternative. Brenna and Erica for punk/metal, Radiohead and the loves of my life...the Beastie Boys. Brian mainly for Tori Amos and Nine Inch Nails (though Jason Berryhill was the one that first got me into NIN). Jamie got me into electronic/drum n bass/trip-hop/industrial/house/trance or whatever you want to call them, which was such an awesome experience to share with her. I miss raves. Josh and Nate are huge influences on me...usually along the lines of indie rock, emo, and of course, Josh got me listening to Tool. I’ve always liked classical music and musicals and the occasional cheesy 80’s lovesong. I can’t help it of I have a weakness to “Careless Whisper” and “Eternal Flame,” I just gotta listen to them every so often.

That said, I have been really disappointed with music these past few years. There are exceptions, but they are very few and far between. It sucks that ‘pop’ is taking over and people like Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan can get a record out when people like Sara Bareilles, who can actually sing and is pretty hot, cannot. Go figure. So I haven’t been listening to the radio much except for KCRW and NPR. Am I getting old or something?

Anyway, so I hear “The Choice Is Yours” at Busby’s, a bar in Santa Monica. Strange. If you’ve ever been there, you would know why I said that. It’s a kinda sportsbar/restaurant/lounge. I mean, I liked that they were playing the song, but the demographics seemed to not appreciate it. But anyway, I had an interesting time balancing engagements last night. It was weird because these past few weeks (probably since Halloween) have been crazy for me as far as my social life. A lot of people’s birthdays, my birthday, parties, people coming into town, etc. So I’ve been a bit exhausted and perhaps a bit irritable at times. But this has been so unusual for me and my “life.” I am not used to it. I am having fun, but it’s arduous at the same time.

I met up with Kate and Alexis at El Cholo for dinner. Kate had just flown in from New York and I was so excited to see her. I hadn’t seen her in like, 4 months! She showed us pictures of her new place, her new friends in her program and we caught up. It was really elucidating in a way because I was finally able to have a long, in-depth conversation with her. I miss our chats.

I then hopped over to Busby’s for Lindsay’s quarter of a century celebration. It was a lot of fun. I finally saw Michelle Chung after a few months of not seeing her. She seems really happy and I am glad that she has found a great guy. My old bosses were there, Purdy, Isy, Jesse, and Ivy. They are always a fun bunch. I ran into “the girls” on my way out because I wanted to meet up with Kate, Alexis, and Kuros at The Arsenal. I had never been there and it’s a pretty cool place. They have an enclosed patio area where people can smoke and it has warm heat lamps. It was cozy. I kinda craved a cigarette sitting there, inhaling the secondhand smoke that people were emitting from their mouths. It’s sad that I miss it, but I do, especially when I drink or when it’s really cold outside.

[On a sidenote, I find that people are a lot more forthright and honest in their conversations when they occur while you have “a smoke” with them. I figured this out my first year of college. I had the best conversations with people on balconies, patios, “smoking areas,” etc. I don’t know, maybe it’s something about the bond you have knowing that what you are doing is harmful to your body, but at least there’s someone there to do it with you and share the moment. Or maybe I am reading too much into this theory.]

I was tempted to go to Barney’s Beanery in Hollywood because Nate and the gang were there, but I couldn’t. It was late already and I had to work today. And I only slept a maximum of 5 hours a night all week. I was so tired this morning and could hardly get up. I am so jealous that Josh is on winter break and is relaxing right now, even though he should be doing his thesis [ahem]. But I am off for a few days and it’s sooo nice to think that I can sleep in tomorrow. Yay!!

I had lunch with Lisa and Vanessa today. Lisa’s new job is actually right next to the AVCO and so we met up at Acapulco’s. Twas a very nice and pleasant lunch. Lisa was telling us about her job and I remembered how much I do not like “the industry.” I’m glad that I am being constantly reminded of that. I also love Vanessa’s stories. They’re the best and I know that I NEED to hang out with her more.

It was a long day at work, but it was filled with love. Patients, doctors, and staff all came by and gave us gifts (mainly chocolate) and it was so sweet. The patients are so pleasant and generous (well, a majority of them) and I cannot imagine how hard it is for them to get through the holidays in their condition. Their positive attitudes fascinate me and I am always in awe of their happy spirits. And one patient brought fried chicken because they knew that all we were getting were sweets and another brought empanadas. They are awesome.

Went to happy hour with Josh and Shahab and did last minute shopping. (Customer service was not very stellar, but I can’t imagine working and dealing with all of the crazy nutjobs during this time of year. I commend them.) Anyway, I will be in Ventura for the next few days, but I am hoping to be able to post there. I am sure that it will be a enjoyable visit.

Happy Birthday Lindsay, M, and Ramona. You guys are awesome!! See you tonight Linds. Have a safe and fun Vegas experience M (say hello to Roni for me). I will see you soon Ramona, I promise to visit you in the Spring!

Kate is in town today! Yay!!

Link: http://www.greenplastic.com

Only in LA is where you can see a girl walk down the street in Louis Vuitton shoes, Burberry scarf, Chanel sunglasses, Coach purse, bebe shirt, and the best part...huge Gucci earrings. The thing is, the outfit looked awful on her and I realized that the worst part of the whole thing was that I knew and can distinguish every brand that she was wearing. I guess I am a consumer whore after all.

It's starting get colder. Today's the winter solstice. The weather is getting colder and crisper. Santa Ana winds are present and I believe that winter is starting up again. I kinda like it because it feels right. I can't imagine having an 80-degree Christmas. It would be nice, but weird. I still can't believe that it's this week. I guess it's because I work up until Christmas Eve and I don't have anymore "vacation" like I did when I was in school. I miss Christmas break so much. I just found out that I have accrued 4 weeks of vacation time. Crazy! I need to start using it. But where should I go? I am thinking about another east coast adventure. But I can't go until it starts warming up. I know I won't be able to deal with the winter there. Which reminds me of a conversation that I had with my friend Bita. I haven't seen Bita in a few years and she was at the girl's place for board games the other night. She goes to Med School in the Caribbean and said that she was cold that day (Sunday, it was 80 degrees that day and it cooled off a bit at night) and she would have to get use to the weather here. So strange. And then she proceeded to tell me about her New Year's plans in Boston. Boston, of all places. She's going to freeze to death!!! Poor girl. I do miss her and her quirkiness and her voice. It's cute. Only 4 more months until she's back in the states, so that will be fun.

I had a lovely time with M today. Tuesday dinners have been working well for us lately. It’s nice seeing her every week. We never run out of things to say to each other. It’s quite comforting actually and remarkably impressive to me. Same thing with Lisa as well. We talk and talk about everything and nothing at the same time and it is always lovely. Can’t say that I can do that with many people. I have a tendency to ramble, so I am glad that there are people here that are willing to listen. And I too, in turn, listen to them.

On a random note, I think that my coworkers are all wonderfully amazing people. They are very sweet and generous, especially during this crazy holiday season. They make work more bearable.

Oh, and thanks for the mezzaluna Angela. I love it!!

Link: http://www.bjork.com/

It's hot, so hot!! My mouth is on fire and the water is not helping. Eyes are watering and nose is running. I can't control these functions. Damn you spicy beef salad! But you taste so good and I keep coming back to you, longing and craving for you. It's just not fair. More water please!

Lunch was good, but torturous. I liked it though. It's kinda like my experience at The Abbey on Saturday night. So many cute guys, but they were all gay. Sigh. The music was decent, no hip-hop for a change. It was so much fun though. The best wild berry martinis I've ever had and some of the hottest men I've ever seen. Erica got hit on by a few guys and Andrea did accomplish her goal for the night, even if he was gay. The straight boys that went with us (Nate and Jon) did get hit on and a few ass grabs as well. It was fine family entertainment! Since there was really no action that night, I was an observer. Human behavior is such a great and complex thing. I was amused and fascinated for hours. I also did see Ruthie from the Real World there (the alcoholic in Hawaii). I also ran into Kim, an old friend, at IHOP after we had drinks. I was just thinking about her because we went to her 2000 New Year's party. It was great fun and I missed her. She is now back in Brentwood and I am sure we will see each other soon.

We went to Lush (The Space) again because Andrea needed to get her Fast Times fix before she goes back to Denver. M celebrated her turning a quarter of a century that day and after having dinner at New India Grill, we met up with Andrea and Lisa. It was great fun and there was a group of kids (they definitely were not 21) that dressed up in 80’s clothes and danced all night long. My favorite t-shirt was the one that said, “Frankie Says Relax.” They were all cute, until some of the girls got annoying. The best part of the night was seeing Marissa. I haven’t seen her in 6 years (since we graduated high school) and it was so awesome to catch up with her and meet her new boyfriend, Kevin. She’s in law school now and though she hates it (like all of my other 2nd year law school friends), she’s sticking to it. But both Friday and Saturday nights I stayed up until 4am. That’s late for my old soul. It was rough getting up this morning. I had to go shopping during the day and run errands all weekend which included being on a wild goose chase that ended in Venice Beach so I could get the perfect gift for one of my friends. Fun crazy fun!!

Last night was intense because I went to the “Girl’s” (Eva, Dre, MichGarr) place and had burritos and played board games. There was a good sized crowd, about 18 of us playing games. We started off with Scene It! and the competition was fierce, resulting in shouting matches and tiebreakers galore. It was wild! We then moved on to Taboo and then Scattergories. I agreed with Jesse that the last time he played, he should’ve gotten points for creativity for the answer “Laci Peterson” in the category “Things found in the ocean” for the letter “L.” I know, I have a wicked sense of humor, but so does Jesse and that’s why I love him. Many crazy answers were thrown out there in the game and we had a blast. I hope to do it again sometime soon.

Yawn. Sam needs some sleep. G’nite.

Link: http://www.jeffersonairplane.com/

** “Got a revolution got to revolution.” **

I attended another meeting with our political group, A Little to the Left (he he, I thought that I would get over the name, but it still makes me chuckle a bit). The group was started a month ago, in response to the results of the recent election. We were all upset and needed an outlet and wanted to discuss the current state of politics. It was fun and exciting and we brainstormed about what we can do in our own lives and perhaps going to other groups to get ideas in how we can help. I am glad that Josh went so he can see what it’s all about. Considering the fact that he voted for Bush in 2000 and didn’t this time around, meant a lot. We are slowly structuring the group and we welcome anyone that is interested. We are hoping to have a website up and running in the next few weeks so it will make it easier to post announcements and meeting dates. I will add the link to my site when it’s complete. I am liking the idea of this group. One of the members was saying that her father was upset at the current state of the country and wants change. He hasn’t felt that way since the 1960’s and Vietnam. I am hoping that we can do something positive for change, but it’s way too early to tell. It’s nice to be around people my age that share similar (not all the same) views about politics. It’s therapeutic, in a way.

I had my first candy cane of the season (Marty’s candy cane martini doesn’t count).

I am not looking forward to shopping this weekend. Argh!

Oh yeah, can we talk about the weather?! It has been soooo beautiful and hot lately. It feels like summer, but in December, which makes LA people more spoiled. (Sorry to all of my east coast friends, but really, it’s amazing over here.) I actually broke out into a sweat running errands during lunch the other day. Crazy!

It’s going to be the busiest weekend in a long time, but I hope that it will be relaxing as well. The mall scares me. But I am looking forward to seeing all of my friends come back from other cities. It shall be fun!

Link: http://www.mtv.com/bands/az/radiohead/artist.jhtml

Real fast. I saw a lot of people today that I haven’t seen in a really long time. It was wonderful. I met up with Jesse and Eva for lunch at the newly remodeled Panda Express in Ackerman Union. Yum! I missed it so much. Though we were restricted on time, we talked a lot about the things that are going on in our lives. We were sad that Vanessa and Lisa couldn’t make it. (Working on campus does have its advantages because I can still have lunch with old friends. But it's so weird that my old lunch bunch are all no longer working in this area.) I am seeing Eva more often now. It’s really nice, especially since I will be seeing her tomorrow and Sunday. Anyway, they both gave me validation on a few issues that have been looming in my head and I finally have a sense of liberation in my soul. The Panda was good too and I am happy to announce that they finally have Kung Pao Beef.

I was finally able to go to Indo Café with Aussie. She’s been talking about this place for months. It was very good and I am glad that we went. I've never had Indonesian food and I am glad that I was able to experience it with her, my fellow Southeast Asian friend. I hadn’t seen her in weeks. She always has great stories to tell and lovely insights. We get along so well, even after all of these years and even after our schools competed against each other in so many events in high school. I want to see her more and I think that it will happen and that makes me delighted. We even met a new friend over the course of our dinner. So random, but nice.

I went to see my mom today. It’s funny that I always get lost to her house. I’ve been there plenty of times, but the neighborhood looks so different at night. I hate driving on the freeway too, so it was a bit frustrating. I didn’t stay for too long because it was getting late. But overall, it was a good visit. We actually didn’t talk too much. I am jealous of those that can talk to their mothers about everything. Though we geographically live closer to each other, our relationship is slipping farther away and I don’t know if I can do anything about it. I don’t know her anymore. I don’t think I ever did or remember ever doing so. It’s an awful realization, but yet a comforting one nonetheless. But I am glad that I am able to see her as often as I do, even though it’s in little increments of time. She did get me a lovely necklace for my birthday (which is actually a big deal to me because birthdays were never a big deal in my family). I figured that she did give birth to me, so I would like to think that she remembered which day it was on. What mother would forget? But I know that she will never ever see this post. She hates computers. So all I can say is…thanks.

Happy Birthday Ryan! I hope you had a great dinner and birthday!!

Now, if only I can get rid of the annoying banner on top of my site. I guess that’s the price I have to pay for using a free host.

Link: http://www.subpop.com/bands/shins/

"Far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason."

The Shins have been rocking my world lately. Oh yeah!! I love, love, love their sound and their lyrics are crazily coherent. I have to thank Zach (Braff) for putting them on his movie’s soundtrack (Garden State). I’ve heard their music before, but the fact that it’s on the soundtrack turned me into a huge fan. My mood has been mellow. I made mix CDs for M and Angela the other day and I called them the "Driving Mix," because I wanted them to listen to it while they drive, since they do it so much for work. I've gotten positive feedback and I listened to one this morning and you know what? It's damn good. I'm impressed at myself I guess because it's a lot better than I thought it was going to be. It put me into the best mood on the way to work this morning. Lovely!!

Angela has the Westside for her new territory for work next year. I am elated. This means that we can meet up for lunch at least once a week! So very, very, very excited. She has picked up knitting and is learning pretty fast. I want to learn too and Kurt mentioned that he would try to help me as well. Yay!! I love learning new things. Especially if it involves anything that I can wear. Apparently it has become a big thing to do during classes. Funny. I usually take notes during lectures, but hey, whatever works.

I’ve had many conversations these past few days about many different things. I am convinced that I care about people too much. I care about what they think, what they think of me, and how they are doing. I wonder if they think of me the same way. But I thought that I was over the part where I wonder what others thought of me. I thought I gave that up a few years ago, especially after college. But I still see remnants of me wondering about stupid things like that. Why do I bother? I still don’t know. I know that I am better at the not caring part; at least it doesn’t consume me. I would like to think that I am the type of person where the motto, “you get what you see” applies. I hate complexity. I love simplicity. Though I know that every individual is complex, but there are those that hide so many things. I am not a big fan of that and I try not to do that myself. I am straightforward and sometimes almost too honest for my own good. That’s just me I guess.

As more and more people graduate, move away, or become busy with their lives, why does it still suck so much when we lose touch? And why does it happen? I try the best I can to keep in touch as much as possible, but sometimes my efforts aren’t that great either. I would love to see as many people as I can and do as many things as I want, but there is a price. Usually its sleep related. I haven’t had an 8-hour sleep during the weekday since the last time I was sick, which was a few months ago. So sad. But not really though. At least I am using that time wisely I suppose. I’m not dicking around and wasting time watching TV (though there are times when I do enjoy it). I’m actually doing stuff with my friends/boyfriend/coworkers. It makes it all worth it, though the lack of sleep does catch up to me eventually.

I had a conversation with Lisa about relationships/love/lust/sex/idealism/dating and I’m sure a few other things too. It’s funny how cynical I am. But we both agreed that there are way too many girls that are too idealist about love. It’s partially because the media plays into the whole “knight in shining armor” and “damsel in distress” situations. I’m over that. Perhaps I’ve been in a relationship for too long and now my perceptions are all skewed. This is probably why I enjoyed watching Closer. It was real. There was no "happily ever after," because in life, there are some relationships that don't end up that way.

A big thanks to Roni for the Sex and the City Trivia Game. It was a pleasant surprise when I got home from work. I never get packages, so I just assumed that it was for Josh. But yay! Anyone down for a round of trivia? I don’t know what anyone is doing after New Year’s, but I usually kick the year off with a Sex and the City marathon and since the second part of season 6 will be out on December 29th, we can watch the series in its entirety, including the 3 alternate endings. “I’m so excited!! I’m so…scared.” (Hi-five if you got that reference). Speaking of Saved by the Bell, Nate cracks me up. I’m about to leave work and Nate calls me and asks, “Hey, what was the song that was in the background when Kelly breaks up with Zach?” The sad thing was that I knew the answer. And I told him that it was “How am I Suppose to Live Without,” by Michael Bolton (the no-talent ass clown, heh). But the sadder thing was that he KNEW that I would know the answer, which was why he called me. So sad. But I did love the show, even though in hindsight, it was awful.

Just had dinner with M at the new Barney’s Beanery on 3rd Street Promenade. It’s a huge establishment with EVERYTHING on the menu. It was yummy and we ran into Alexis there! A very pleasant coincidence indeed. Well, all I have to say is that I cannot believe that Christmas is next week!

Link: http://www.rancidrancid.com/

I went to The Room in Santa Monica last night. It’s a very small, dark place, and very unpredictable as far as what type of crowd or music will be there at any particular night. I am glad that people were able to come out, especially during finals and everything. We were able to dance!! Yay! Even though the dance “floor” is more like a “strip,” we were able to get our groove on. I was heavily intoxicated and enjoyed every minute. I am glad to see that most of the different circles that I travel in are able to get together and have fun with each other. It’s so great. We went to Swingers afterwards and the tuna melt was the best it’s ever been. I posted some of the pictures from last night and Wednesday night on my pics page. Check it out. They played two Beastie Boys songs last night, so I was a happy girl. **But I forgot how stupid I can get when I drink.** That's all.

I forgot how frustrating apartment hunting was. I went to help M yesterday and it was an interesting couple of hours. I still can’t believe that the Westside is so ridiculously expensive. All she wants is a 2 bedroom apartment, but it’s so hard to find a good one for a reasonable price. It makes me wonder if I will ever be able to afford buying a house around here. Hmm...it’s looking like a negatory. We did see some that were possible prospects, so it was worth our time running around. It was an absolutely beautiful day and that helped a lot. It was rather cold for a few days, so this weather is refreshing. I still can’t believe how lucky we are in LA. It’s December and it’s still sunny and in the 70’s. I can’t complain.

We had our annual staff holiday party on Friday evening. It was actually fun. It's crazy that I actually know everyone's name and what they do and stuff finally. I've been there for two years now. Time flies!!

I saw Ocean’s 12 on Friday night and I was thoroughly entertained. I do recommend that you see it, if you liked the first one. It wasn’t what I expected at all. But it was great. A lot more scenes with Brad Pitt (how can that be bad?) and also a lot of Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas (who is still on my “jump the fence” list). She’s stunning in it and is so hot, especially after having a baby. And Vincent Cassel was excellent…he really is a lucky guy because he’s married to Monica Bellucci, who is so amazingly fine and is also on “my list.” Julia Roberts was tolerable in it too, for as much as I do not like her (she gained some of my respect back after watching Closer).

Josh has been working nonstop on his project for school, which is due on Tuesday. I am excited because I can play with it after he is done. He’s making a 2-player fighting game (think Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat). Looks like fun!! And he just added fireballs!! Yay!

Angela and I decided a few days ago that the line, “you and me and five bucks,” applies to our friendship as well.

I had a lovely long conversation with Lisa about where we are in our lives right now. It’s hard to say where we actually “are” anymore. It’s a fuzzy haze for a while after we graduate college. I am afraid that the state that we are in will probably last for a long while. But who really knows what they want exactly right now anyway? I only know very few that do.
I watched Closer with her tonight. She hadn’t seen it yet, but I must say that it is better the second time around. I had a better grasp of all of the characters and their plights. It still is kinda depressing though. I am still obsessed with that song.

Oh, and Sara Bareilles will be playing at The Temple Bar on Tuesday night. $5 at the door, 21+ @ 8:00pm. Stop by if you can. She will be premiering her video for “Fairytale,” one of my favorite songs.

Link: http://www.beastieboys.com

I've been on a Paul's Boutique kick. Lovely album. I think that I have learned to appreciate it more throughout the years. I still don't have my original copy...I only have a burned one. I think Roni still has it; at least I think she does. I did let her borrow it 7 years ago and never got it back. Heh, I don't care about it though, I just think it's funny. I think that they will always be my favorite band. Dig it.

So I had a lot of fun last night. I drank some good wine before dinner. Angela bought some Spanish wine for the occasion. Though I do not like red wines that much, I was able to drink quite a bit. That, along with the house Chianti at the restaurant, made dinner more fun. I was going to have fun regardless, but it made dinner seem too short. I had to make my rounds and I apologize if I was not able to talk to everyone longer. I am just happy that people came and hopefully had fun.

It was a beautiful day today. I actually had time to sit in the sunshine and write a bit during lunch. It was nice to see people walk by the Farmer's Market while I sip on some warm coffee. It reminded me of college. I use to study and people watch there all of the time. I miss having afternoons off to "study" or whatever. But I guess it allows me to enjoy days like this even more.

I am excited to see that they finally published the unabridged version of "Ariel" by Sylvia Plath. I must get it soon.

I talked to an old, old friend today (Jeff). It was nice and I am glad that he is doing well. He is in Boston and is almost done with law school. I can't believe it! We've known each other for 10 years! We sat near each other when we graduated high school and sat right next to each other when we graduated UCLA. He's such a solid guy and I am so so happy that he is doing fabulously.

I am saddened to hear about Dimebag. R.I.P. Dimebag. Such a big loss. So unnecessary. This gives me another reason to hate Ohio. I remember listening to them ages ago. It was like I was a completely different person then. So young and willing to do anything that was rebellious or alternative.

My mind is everywhere today. It feels like I can't focus.

Link: http://www.ironandwine.com/

So I've been listening to a lot of Iron & Wine lately. Josh and Zach (Braff) introduced them to me a few months ago. They do a haunting cover of The Postal Service's "Such Great Heights," which is on the Garden State Soundtrack. I am still so obsessed with the song "The Blower's Daughter." It's an amazing song. I'm sure I will get over it soon, but I am enjoying it so much now.

I don't feel any older. I think that I am still 21, even with all of my adult duties and responsibilities. I guess I am having a hard time letting go of my fun adolescent life. I refuse to grow up until I have to. Today has been a great day thus far. Everyone is so sweet. My coworkers took me out to lunch at Acapulco's and I had the flan there. Yum!! I am so grateful for all of my great friends and the lovely people that I work with. Thanks so much for everything. I will post more tonight, I am sure.

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Ok, so I just got my butt kicked in the 1990's version of Trivial Pursuit. Nate, of course, always wins. His partner, Lisa, was very good as well. I thank Gabe for giving me such a wonderful game. I think we're going to play it before we go out on Saturday. Yay!! Thanks for all who came to dinner tonight. It meant so much to me to see a majority of my favorite people, especially during finals and such. I had a blast!! I hope to see everyone more frequently than this past year...I am going to work on that more once the new year begins.

R.I.P. John Lennon
Happy Birthday Samantha! I hope Nate gives you this message as well and I look forward to your visit in January.

Link: http://www.bush-music.com/discover.php

So I had a very zen moment today and I had to share it. It occurred while I was driving home from work. It was slightly raining and really dark. I am stuck in traffic and all of a sudden, it hits. Eleanor Rigby is on in the background and I feel it. I can't describe it, but it's nice. Sheer zen. No bright lights or anything like that. I was just happy and calm and relaxed. The best drive home ever, despite the crazy traffic caused by scared Southern Californians that don't know what to do when it rains. I didn't mind at all.

Oh, I am glad that I wasn't in the color guard in high school because I found out that Josh would have never dated me if that was the case. I guess being a percussionist has its advantages after all.

Link: http://www.wholefoods.com/

So I was at Whole Foods today on my way to my car after work. I was trying to find something to make a quick dinner. We have a lot of meatballs in our freezer and I decided to make meatball subs, easy right? I only needed cheese and bread. But it was a meatball sub, so I wanted to get some sort of French roll. So I looked and passed the organic white bread, organic wheat bread, hot dog buns, hamburger buns, vegan bread, pita bread, etc. Hmm...no French rolls. Wait, I see some kind of roll...oh wait, they're dinner rolls. Oh, there's La Brea baguettes. But they're really long and hard. Heh. I just wanted some submarine sandwich bread, really!! Argh! So I waited for the workers to help me. They're usually very helpful, from what I remember. So I wait. There's a lady in front of me. She orders 2 large skim cappuccinos. Argh, that's going to take a while and there's only one person working back there. I look at the bread area again. Nope, not there still. Well apparently cappuccinos are harder to make than I thought (which is BS because I worked at Starbuck's for 2 years and I can make 2 cappuccino's in about 1.5 minutes, depending on what type of milk, and if I wanted to be efficient). So I wait and look around for someone else to help me. Nope, no one. So time passes and I finally get to ask him the one simple question. I asked and he stared at me blankly. I was trying to describe the bread, "you know, like the bread they use at Subway or Togo's or any sandwich shop," but still nothing. He was like, you can cut the baguettes and make a sandwich out of them. And I was like, I guess I can, but they are too hard!! I just want BREAD! Then he was like, hmmm...and I got excited because I thought he was thinking of a good idea. But then he walked over to the hot dog buns and picked them up and I was like, "No, it's not the same, I'm sorry, I don't want to be difficult." So I stopped. I put the cheese back and walked out. I really wished Trader Joe's opened there instead and I should've went to Ralph's when I had the chance. I miss Breadsticks too. So I ended up making chicken and pasta. It was very yummy, but the ordeal was frustrating.

Link: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/closer/

I can’t take my mind off of the movie Closer. I saw it on Friday night and the song (in the beginning and end of the film) still haunts me. So I downloaded it. (Damien Rice – The Blower’s Daughter) Almost instant gratification. It’s wonderful. I really liked the movie. I read parts of the play a few months ago when I heard that they were making it into a movie. It’s very brutally graphic in a way, not visually but mentally. It delves into topics such as love, relationships, trust, infidelity, honesty, lust, fate, sex, betrayal and so many other things. It’s amazing how so many movies lately neglect these topics. I’m so disappointed with the movies that were released this year. I can only think of a handful of movies that I liked (and remembered). There’s Garden State (obviously), I Heart Huckabees, The Incredibles, Bad Education, Hero, Kill Bill vol. 2, Sideways, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, House of Flying Daggers, and The Revolution Will Not Be Televised (which is a bit older, but I saw it this year). Those are all that I can think of offhand. I am sure there are more, well, at least I hope there are more. I haven’t watched many movies this year actually. So sad.

I was a bit elated at the UCLA vs. USC game. Even though we lost, we put up a very good fight, only losing by 5 points to the #1 team in the nation. We had a glimmer of hope in the end, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. I was actually thinking that it was going to be a blowout, but I stayed ‘til the very end. It was nice seeing old friends again, especially Lindsay, Julie, Scott, Denise, and Natasha, whom I haven’t seen in awhile.

I tried ZaZen, a sushi place in Venice and it was really fabulous! It was very expensive, but I am glad that it was tasty.

Okay, so I know that I say it every year, but shopping during the holiday season is ridiculous! Please, don’t ever go to the Beverly Center, stay clear from it. It took me and Angela a good hour to get there and find parking. It took a while to leave as well, and honestly, the customer service in most of their “top premiere stores” isn’t that great. I’ve done customer service in the past and what I experienced yesterday was a sad sad excuse for it. I know that they are busy because of the holidays, but at least pretend that you are in the holiday spirit, if not for my sake, but for their own sanity as well. It was absolutely crazy, so I think I’m going to buy things online from now on.

And I saw this online today and it made me happy. I also had lunch with Vanessa and it made me happier.

Link: http://www.countingcrows.com/

I can’t believe its December already. The end of the year is coming to an end. I look back at this time last year and it always surprises me as to how much things have changed and also how things have stayed the same. It’s fascinating to me. I am fortunate enough to have a lot of friends around still, but I do miss those that have moved away. Then there are those that are around that I don’t see as often and I tell myself that I need to make more of a conscious effort to see them. I think that is what I am going to focus on when the New Year starts. It’s not a resolution, but it is something that is important to me. People come and people go, but most never ever leave my heart or mind. For some people, I wish that I could forget those little idiosyncrasies, but for some strange reason, I cannot. I can almost always forgive, but there are some cases where I cannot do so either. I think that my mind works in a weird way like that. It is constantly reminding me things so I won’t make the same mistakes again, or at least I think that’s what it is doing. It feels like I am barely starting to develop an outer shell that is protecting me from the bad people in life. It’s a good feeling though. I trust people too easily and I have to keep on learning the hard way that I shouldn’t. It’s somewhat like my own Darwinian way to deal with relationships and people. I’m constantly evolving and so is everyone else. Will my slight mutations conflict with other people’s mutations? I guess I won’t know until it happens. Though I know that sounds horrible.

I am going to be older next week. Is 24 considered mid-twenties? It’s scary that I graduated high school 6 years ago. I still remember my senior year vividly. The mock trial competition. The speech competitions. The Academic Decathlon competition…where I wrote an award winning paper about how Schindler’s List did not accurately portray the holocaust…what was I thinking? (Yes, I was a nerd and yes, I was in the marching band too, in case you wanted to know.) AP classes were a joke, but they were challenging because I didn’t focus on class as much as I should have. I was so awkward though. It was an awkward time all around. I’m glad that, years later, it is no longer the case (to a certain extent).

As far as life right now, I’m strolling on by. Work is incredibly busy and I am assuming that it will be this way until the end of the year. Josh and I are doing wonderfully well. My friends are always a positive and enlightening force in my life and they make me happy.

I am still mad that Bush is around and all of the cabinet members are leaving.

Ken Jennings will always be a winner to me, even though his church is probably going to take 10% of his earnings, he he!

Seinfeld seasons 1-3 is invading my apartment and it’s surprisingly better than I remember. I finally caught up to Six Feet Under and am waiting for their next (and sadly, last season). I’m learning more about Canadian sketch comedy from The Kids in the Hall. Sex and the City will always be in my head even though all 6 seasons are over at Lisa’s place. I don’t think that I will ever get tired of watching Love Actually.

I still want to go to New York and London during the Christmas season sometime.

Angela and I can still talk for hours and hours about nothing after all of these years. But I did find out that we only live 5 minutes away from each other when there is no traffic, lovely!

I am bringing back the phrase, “It’s the WORST!” in memory of Marissa and the fun times we had. I can’t believe that it’s been 3 years since I’ve seen her.

Little papa will always attract freaks everywhere we go…like John O. at St. Nick’s.

I’m glad that I am able to make new friends without as much effort as I thought. Hooray for AIM!

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King special edition is coming out soon…yay Legolas!

**Hang in there Alison, I love ya and I know you will get through this rough time. Holla back if you need me.**

And lastly, I am delighted that I am more focused on my writing again. Thanks for the motivation Angela. It feels good.

“I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.”