Sam's Blog

Link: http://www.hbo.com/city/

My body is starting to shut down.
Can’t keep my eyes open anymore.
I’m getting weaker.
Exhaustion sets in.
But I am still alive.

I don’t know why I do the things I do. I know I’m still sick. I know that I work early. But yet I pretend as though those factors do not exist. Life is nonstop.

My friends mean more to me than my health. I don’t mind. I don’t want to miss anything. Life is too short. So I went to Lisa’s celebration of life at Busby’s last night. There were lots of people that I haven’t seen in a long time; Oscar, Kevin and Sia especially. Sia brought cupcakes from Clementine. An orgasm in my mouth...I missed them. It’s been too long. An hour later, with a few drinks in her, Lisa was jolly. So was Marty. I know that I compare life to Sex and the City episodes a lot, but last night was a prime example. There was an episode in season 2, “Twenty-something girls vs. thirty-something women,” where Carrie notes that a main difference is that twenty-something girls hold up their friend’s hair while they throw up. Though I have done it frequently in the past, it has been quite some time. Lisa and I are still twenty-something girls. I miss Sex and the City more than I thought I did. Sigh.

I hope to sleep more. I am still a bit restless and tired. I feel like a zombie most of the day. It’s a shame. The weather has been so nice. It feels like I am wasting it. I need clarity. I miss M. I wish I could breathe (literally, my nose has been stuffy for days). As I look at my future engagements, I realize that I may never get a chance to rest. Is it worth it? I say yes, for now.