Sam's Blog

In general, cancer sucks. But I am surrounded by it daily. I work at a cancer clinic (UCLA Bowyer Oncology Center) and right now, since we are so short-staffed, I'm temporarily working in the treatment center where patients receive their chemotherapy and blood transfusions. It's just sad. A lot of patients are really cool and they have a great sense of humor, given their current situation. It's sad in good ways and bad because I would see a patient come in all of the time (which means they're getting a lot of chemo treatments) and then they leave for a long period of time (which, most of the time, they're getting better). I am happy for them, but it was really hard for me in the beginning because I soon realized that I am close to those who come often, but usually, those are the sickest. I've been working there long enough to associate names with faces and that always makes the patients happy, but I get so sad when they open up to me and tell me that "the doctor said that there is nothing that he/she can do for me anymore." I cannot begin to understand how horrifying that would feel. But surprisingly, a lot of the patients are fine wiith it. I think that they accept death a lot better than their family members do. Now that I think about it, the family members are the ones that freak out the most a majority of the time. I dread checking my work email sometimes because they always notify us via email when patients pass away. It's so hard to deal with, especially at work. So, I am surrounded by this daily. I can't help but get frustrated at times.